This is a guest post by Rhiannon Edwards.
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After a particularly upsetting (for me) trip to the shopping centre, I'm left feeling deflated. So many parents aren't hearing the positive parenting message, and society seems to not understand children at all. This is for the parents in the shopping centre...
Your child's feelings are real.
That tantrum she's throwing because she can't have an ice-cream? That's the same emotion you felt when you weren't accepted for your first loan.
That whining to go home? He's feeling the same way you feel after 8 hours at work.
The tears because she wants a $2 ride? Remember how you felt when you were turned down for that promotion? I'm sure you have a good reason for saying no, just like your boss did.
You don't have to change your mind, there's no need to give in, you can still stay firm, but please, take a moment. Put yourself in his shoes, and remember. After you do that, the rest is easy.
3 comments:
We need to tell each other this, over and over again. It needs to be louder than that other message, that 'Can't you control your kids?!' one. It is hard to be patient and understanding when we are feeling judged as lousy parents of bratty kids. We get embarrassed and angry, not generally precursors to empathy and problem solving.
It IS okay to respond to your child's feelings in public. It is not that important to 'shut them up' for the sake of maintaining the peace of the store. It is better to listen and work through it slowly, for the sake of building peace in your child.
I totally agree with this approach but I find it exhausting. I have compassion fatigue!
A wonderful reminder - thank you. Have shared it on my weekly links post today: http://freeyourparenting.com/2011/09/25/sharing-sunday-10/
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