The Top 5 Behaviors that Cause Parents to Lose Their Cool

Tuesday, September 16, 2014 2 comments

I have just finished a 5-part series for Creative Child Magazine titled The Top 5 Behaviors that Cause Parents to Lose Their Cool (and what to do about them).

Here are the links to view them on the Creative Child Magazine website.

#5 Back Talk
#4 Tantrums
#3 Not Listening
#2 Whining
#1 Aggression

Mother's Time Out - Free Telesummit for YOU

Saturday, September 13, 2014 No comments

Calling all Mothers!

Are you having a hard time finding downtime for yourself and your children?

Do you sometimes feel a disconnection to your kids and wonder why mothering is not how you imagined?

YOU'RE INVITED to take a Mother's Time Out!

It is time.  For Mother’s to take a Time Out.  Gather, share, learn, reflect, and make some small simple changes to transform your relationship with yourself and your children.


15 speakers offer powerful insights to help you become the mother you want to be.


Dangling Love

Friday, September 12, 2014 2 comments

Picture this:

Sara has been very busy with the children today. She has played in the floor with her toddler, laughing, making memories. They made a car out of a cardboard box in between nursing and caring for her infant as well. The children are well taken care of and happy, but the house... Well the mess from the day's play is lying around when her husband, John, gets home. John shoots her a look of disapproval that makes her heart sink. Hasn't she been good enough, today? She goes over to connect with a hug, and he withdrawals from her. Feeling the sting of rejection, she immediately starts picking up the mess. John goes to take a shower. When he gets out, the mess is picked up, and the house looks good. He nods and gives his wife a loving hug. "This looks much better. Thank you."

What sort of feelings did this story bring up for you? How did it leave you feeling about John? About Sara? What can you deduce about their relationship from this story?

The question was posed on my Facebook page recently, "If he doesn't pick up his toys, should I give him a hug as a reward?!"

Friends, love is not a reward. Hugs, attention, affection, kind words - these are not rewards to be dangled in front of a child, only given when he performs to our liking. These are a child's lifeline. They should be given without condition, without hesitation. Always.

We've developed this rather strange idea that loving children too much is bad for them, but if we offer just enough love at the right times, they will jump through hoops to get it. And they probably will, but they shouldn't have to. Withholding love and affection most certainly works to control a child because this is very real need, and they must get it met in whatever way they can, but take a moment to stop and feel the sadness that the child feels - the rejection, the feeling of needing to get it right before being worthy of love and affection.

I imagine Sara feeling a sense of relief, and even loved, once John gave her his affection and approval. I also imagine there is emotional instability and pain.

Please don't make children earn your affection. As Dr. Gordon Neufeld said, "If children want attention, then why on earth wouldn't we give it to them?"

Take a moment to watch this video in which Dr. Neufeld explains why children need to be able to rest in our love.

Too much love won't spoil. Kindness doesn't provoke poor behavior. Respect doesn't invite disrespect. This is backwards thinking which has caused us to feel trapped into being too harsh for too long. Generations of children are still searching and longing for unconditional love.

Let's make a change.