Parenting is extremely complex, but we've tried for a long time to simplify it into discipline choices. We're told if we discipline a certain way, our kids will learn good behavior and ultimately turn out just fine.
But parenting is about so much more than just discipline.
At it's core, parenting is about relationships, and in our search for the perfect discipline tricks, we've lost sight of that. We are trained to ask "what do I do when my child...." rather than "how can I help this little person whom I love so much." We are fed study after study and opinion after opinion on the proper and least damaging way to discipline children, so it's no wonder that becomes our main focus.
But when discipline becomes our main focus, we neglect the bigger picture. Many of the other important aspects of parenting fall by the wayside as we mindfully, purposefully, intentionally focus on disciplining correctly.
I think it's time we broaden our lens. Let's back up and look at parenting in a new way - a much bigger way.
Let's Talk About Stories:
Parenting is a mixing of stories. Mom's story, Dad's story, brother's story and sister's story. Grandparents' stories and cultural stories. Media stories and unconscious stories.
And because you are holding the pen that writes the beginning of your little one's life story, it's smart to take a pause and look at your story first - look to see what is influencing the pen in your hand. What are your beliefs and where do they come from? Is your partner's beliefs about parenting in line with yours? What feeds your thoughts? What triggers your reactions? These things matter because they are at the heart of how you see and treat your children.
Let's Talk About Self-Control
What kind of example are we setting? Do we demand our children behave one way while we act in the opposite? Are we regularly losing it? You know that who we are and how we behave teaches so much more than what we say. It's time to talk about self-control.
Let's Talk About Our Marriages and Partnerships
Chances are there is somebody else involved in raising your child. Do you agree on parenting or are you polar opposites? Is this issue cause for contention in your relationship and in your home? Let's address it. Face it head on and get on the same page. It matters.
Let's Talk About Communication
Respectful, positive communication is important in growing strong, connected families. How do you communicate with your partner? Your kids? Positive, effective communication helps us understand one another, avoid conflict, and connect. It keeps us engaged in each other's lives.
Let's Talk About Trust
As I said, parenting is about relationships. A good parent-child relationship is built on a foundation of trust. How do we foster trust? How do we keep it strong as our children grow through various stages?
Building trust with an infant obviously looks much different than building trust with a tween. What if trust has been broken? How do you get it back?
Let's Talk About Family Culture
This is such a big topic. The atmosphere and family experience you provide is the world your child grows up in. It shapes her view of everything, including her self-worth. It influences her heart and mind every day, but many of us just allow our family culture to come together sort of haphazardly, without much intention or forethought, because our focus is elsewhere. Let's talk about your vision, your goals, your routines, and your traditions. This is what childhoods are made of.
Let's Talk About How We See Children
Take a look at cultural ideas and "truths" we've accepted and live by. Take a look at how this influences your parenting decisions. Let's challenge them to see if they're serving us well.
Let's Talk About Positive Discipline
Yes, discipline is an important factor, and it's good to learn positive tools that teach your children good values and skills while keeping hold of their hearts.
You will find all of this and more in my new one-of-a-kind parenting book, Positive Parenting: An Essential Guide.
Positive Parenting: An Essential Guide
“Positive Parenting is more than a parenting book. It's a guide to human connection. Rebecca provides a roadmap for creating happy, deeply connected families where children and parents alike are able to rise to their fullest potential.” --Amy McCready, author of The “Me, Me, Me” Epidemic
To order in the USA: http://bit.ly/22ezDFN...
To order in the USA: http://bit.ly/22ezDFN...
Here's what people are saying about Positive Parenting: An Essential Guide:
"As I soaked up the wisdom contained in this book, two words kept coming to mind: positive pathways. No matter how challenging your family situation is or how long you’ve been going down a negative road, this book offers pathways to peace, connection, and true happiness. Through practical examples, detailed steps, and soul-stirring questions, Rebecca Eanes shows us how to reach our fullest potential as parents, partners, and human beings. Let Positive Parenting set you on a path to rewriting your story in all aspects of life, in the most positive way possible."
--Rachel Macy Stafford, New York Times-bestselling author of Hands Free Mama and Hands Free Life
“Rebecca Eanes has a deep understanding of what can hold mothers and fathers back from being the parents they want to be. Positive Parenting provides concrete tools to grow the self-discipline, connection, empathy, and techniques that will help parents (and their kids!) be their best.”
--Andrea Nair, M.A., CCC Psychotherapist, parenting educator. Creator of the Taming Tantrums App
“Watch out: Eanes' book will transform your parenting, especially if you pause to do the self-work exercises.”
--Tracy Cutchlow, author of Zero to Five
"In our always connected world of social media and Google searches there is a never-ending flow of “new and better” parenting information. It's easy to get lost in the sea of “best practices.” The focus is often on changing kids’ behavior or all the reasons you are ruining your kids. The problem is that so much of what we read seems to conflict and leaves us feeling powerless rather than truly supporting parents and families. Rebecca's new book Positive Parenting emphasizes that parenting is far more than simply making kids comply. It's about real lives, relationships, and people; It's about real moms', dads' and kids' stories and how to make those stories incredible. This book gives the reader timeless, foundational principles and practices that help to build the parent, the child and the family as a whole from the inside out."
--Andy Smithson, www.truparenting.net
“Positive Parenting beautifully illustrates the choices that modern-day parents have to raise healthy and successful children through nurturing, empathetic relationships. Bolstered by research in neuroscience and human development, Eanes shows how parents must grow alongside their children, and how this parallel journey helps young people reach their full potential. This is a must-read book for all who care enough about their children to reflect deeply on themselves as parents.”
--Marilyn Price-Mitchell, PhD, Author of Tomorrow’s Change Makers
“In this one-of-a-kind book, Rebecca Eanes goes beyond just discipline to look at the big picture of parenting. If you're longing for more in your parenting journey -- more joy, more peace, more cooperation -- I recommend Positive Parenting!”
--Jessica Alexander, co-author of The Danish Way of Parenting
“In this valuable contribution to parenting, Rebecca Eanes provides insightful, effective and practical solutions to end family conflict and build loving connections. Her masterful approach allows parents to implement powerful strategies with ease and grace, forever transforming their family life. This is a must-read for every family that yearns to create peace and harmony.”
--Dr. Shefali Tsabary, New York Times-bestselling author of The Conscious Parent
"With a belief that each parent knows their own child best and that raising children should be enjoyable, not stressful, Rebecca Eanes helps parents develop their own positive parenting blueprints to create happy, loving families. Positive Parenting helps parents work through the difficult feelings that naturally occur throughout the parenting journey and provides strategies to help raise positive thinkers."
--Katie Hurley, LCSW, author of The Happy Kid Handbook